Divorce has been on the rise for decades, with the current divorce rate in the U.S. at 50%.
Often those breakdowns and divorces lead to a custody battle and can get really messy. Custody battles effect both parents and child and sometimes results in the children being used as a pawn, from a parent, which only brings fuel for the fire.
It just creates space for even more conflict between parents, after a custody battle, and odds of cooperation are even smaller.
After separation, most of the couples, do have disagreements about financials or who will be the custodial parent. Although the percent of people, actually going to court about custody is just 10 %, it is still a significant number, taking into consideration, how many people are getting divorced.
That term concretely can be harsh, and does not appeal to a parent who get the non-custody end of the stick. Another problem is that although the goal of this process should be to find out truth, and from that point determine to whom will custody be given, in this cases, it is hard, as a judge cannot know what actually happened, considering there are not enough reliable or relevant sources.
Stating all this, there are few reasons why one might want to avoid going to court, and being a part of custody battle:
- Good lawyers are expensive; Delays before case goes judge
- You will unlikely have the option to testify; Nor will have your child
- Most of the evidence you would like to use are irrelevant; Nor is the ones from friends or your relatives
- Judge might create his own plan, leading you to realize, that plan of your ex-partner was more appealing to you
- The party that lost battle over custody has to pay both his and, now custody parent’s, fees
- There is always appeal option, leading to more costs and lost time
- If some material changes occurred during process, new case has to rise
Considering all this, your best chance is to try to avoid a custody battle. But how to do it and what options do you have?
- Try to come to an agreement with your partner, without involving anyone else, calmly discussing things, and possible plans. Most of the partner deals will be accepted by the court. If you still think, that it is better to have someone in between, get a mediator, who will for sure be of help.
- The whole separation is pretty stressful, but from arguing or fighting, it is unlikely that anyone will profit and be satisfied, or any deal will be made. If ever under stress, just remember that your child and probably future depends on this. If you cannot cope with that alone, do not be scared to talk with a therapist.
- Do not dismiss compromise. Be open to an agreement and understanding with your partner, as it can benefit to everyone, also the whole process can be much shorter, and everyone could get back to normal life much earlier.
- Once you came to an agreement, try to respect it. If there is no legal or serious reason to deny your partner visitation, then do not, as that can just cancel everything you previously achieved, and you will not be able to set a routine.
- Be open to changes, and new agreements if those are beneficial to everyone. Also, try to keep your communication as pleasant as possible. Some may even opt for communication over telephone or email messages, and if it is easier that way, it is more than reasonable.
Looking at all the facts that surround custody battle, and that process, yes, you should try to do everything in your power, along with your partner, and avoid this. This is better for both you, your partner and of course the condition of your child, who might be under scare and stress, because of the whole process, which can eventually lead to traumas.
Still, if you think that there is no way to make an agreement without court, fine, just make sure to get a good attorney, and consult on how to go through a custody battle with least stress and consequences.